i stood on that fire plug that sits opposite the front of Thomas Hall and watched the moon for a minute or so. there were a few thin and scrappy clouds tacking across the sky, and really only one bright star from my point of view - probably venus or something - just adjacent to mr. moon.

the last times i saw the moon from that angle were in similar circumstances: walked Katy back, went down the stairwell, tramped nearly halfway back to Tyler..... and then hesitated. this time, as then, i made my way to the hydrant in the cement island differentiating the "loop" from the load/unload parking way. trying to keep my balance on the chunky red thing; i stared directly, defiantly, into Katy's room window on the third floor and mouthed "I love you.....I love you...I LOVE you...." until, as then, that lunar brightness distracted me from my chant. the moon is beautiful when it is nearly full.

then, my heart would race and thrill to the hope that maybe she was hiding behind the blinds, blushing at my goofy act of love. she might have said something like "silly boy" under her breath. that thrill would stir in my heart until i went unconscious in my bed later. i could not hardly endure the wait until seeing her again the next day. today, though, it was a different i love you. the moon.... it looked different too. clearer maybe. as mysterious as ever, most assuredly.

tonight, i tried to blink my eyes and will myself to make a mental photo of what i was looking at - Katy's window, Thomas hall, the moon - as if i would never get to see them the same way ever again. i've never liked that phrase, "ever again." it makes me want to cry.

i am somewhat afraid to go back to Topeka. it feels like going to the doctor for a shot; you know you have to do it, you know it will be good for you, but you still don't want to go. it's painful. i've never liked needles.

Katy: i'm going to miss you alot. i can't really turn that off. i'm praying for you, like always, so whenever you read this, know that i love you.

something Katy won't be stuck doing much of for the next week or two ;)

noone likes a long post.
there is something i would like to put on my blog, but it's somewhat long (i dont think it's much longer than the previous post - if at all).
i wish that all my friends and anyone who is interested read it.
i wish that any who are having a tough time right now or have had trouble in the past read it.

to be honest, there is no "miracle cure post" or sermon, or TV show that says all the right things to everyone. someone is gonna be in a bad mood and not care. someone's gonna be in a good mood and not care too. i just suggest it as "good reading" because it helped me understand some tough things going on in my life at the time. why did God let bad things happen to me?

i will retain this piece of Literature, which i quote out of an old textbook of mine, for any who promise to actually read it. if you promise you will read it, i will e-mail it to you. (you have to email me first tho!)
i would pray for understanding first though... it's not simple English - it was written in the 14th century.

nermaldooby@gmail.com

listen:

"One of the most alarming disclosures coming out of the Communist world is that of the rugged training and discipline they are putting their youth through. In contrast, there has never before been such a mass pilgrimage to the altar of leisure in our country. At the end of the rainbow for every American is relaxation and recreation. The Western world loves to play. Americans average over eight hours a day of television per household!

In the 1920s, inter-collegiate debating drew large crowds. Now the debates are held in side rooms while crowds cheer at the basketball game. It takes discipline to learn a new art, or science, or skill; it takes no discipline to watch football or a wrestling match. The point must be made that the shift of excited, popular interest from debates to sports is a sign of cultural decline. As someone once said, "It is either discipline or decadence."

And the Church has not escaped. Never has there been such an interest in sports among "the saints." I've heard much more talk and excitement about the national ratings of college teams among Christians in churches and Sunday schools, than about how to conquer the land for God. As an almost unbelievable example, I recently heard about one large church in Texas who during the Superbowl (when the Dallas Cowboys were playing) feared that the Sunday evening service (not to mention the offering) would be poorly attended. So the pastor and elders came up with a wonderful idea! They brought a large-screen video projection system into the sanctuary and proceeded to "entertain" the parishoners with a nice, American, Christian display of "knockin' and hittin' 'em for Christ!" This might be a blatant example, but the spirit of "fun in the Son" is threatening to destroy what little hope we have left to avoid judgment, by having true cross-embracing revival. "For it is time for judgment to begin with the household of God... and if it is with difficulty that the righteous is saved, what will become of the godless man and the sinner?" (I Peter 4:17-18)

Communist Lenin once said: "With a handful of dedicated people who will give me their lives, I will control the world." This must have sounded like quite a rash statement to those who first heard it, but it did not prove an empty boast. In 1903, this one man, with 17 followers, began his attack on the world. By 1918, the number had increased to 40,000, and with that 40,000 he gained control of the 160 million people of Russia. And the movement has gone on and now controls over one-third of the population of the world. With this in mind, consider the warning of the American President, Theodore Roosevelt:

"The things that will destroy America are prosperity at any price, peace at any price, safety first instead of duty first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life.""

this quote is from the Last Days Ministries site, part of an (free) article written by Keith Green.
this fascinates me. expect more in the future.